Written on 3/26/06 at the Moline Church of Christ. I was obviously clinically depressed at the time. During this face of my life, I could really meet with the church without crying at some point. I felt like I had failed God, and everybody else for that matter. I was rarely home because I had to drive a truck for a living. Seeing my family struggling financially while I couldn’t even be around was unbearable. I felt I had lost my family at this point because I could rarely be with them. My step father died of cancer just before this time, and I couldn’t even be around as a comfort for my mother. I was most miserable. But sometimes are darkest moments are high points of learning.
My life is one great bottomless abyss of misery
I keep on sinking down endlessly.
The end of this pit is nowhere in sight,
I keep sinking lower in spite of the fight
People will smile and wish me well,
But they can not see my life of Hell.
I’m sure they must wonder what’s wrong with me
For the endless pit they cannot see.
There are some people willing to lend me a hand,
But they can’t seem to pull me from the sinking sand.
Those who hold on to me are also brought down,
If they don’t let go of me, they will soon drowned.
The pit is so lonely, scary, and dark,
I wish I could just have a new start.
For this life I was given is now such a mess,
Though I’m sure it’s my fault I must confess.
For the mistakes I’ve made my misery is deserved
But my punishment is more than I can endure.
My hope is all gone, no joy can be found
In my abyss I keep sinking down.