Does God Hate Me?

 This poem, along with “The Great Abyss, ” was written while attending the Moline church of Christ on 3/25/06. My journal records that I wrote 3 poems at this time of very dark depression. The poems were: When the Demons Come, The Great Abyss, and this one, Does God Hate Me. All three poems reflect the despair I was feeling at the time. This poem may seem blasphemous and I feel ashamed for thinking I had it so bad. I have been quite fortunate in my life compared to others and there have been many times I have felt the presence of God. This poem, however, reflects how I felt at the time and it mentions some of the perplexing and inconsistencies in God.

Jacob I love; Esah I hate.
What made God decide such a fate?
Why does He hate one and love the other?
Does He love me or hate me, I sometimes wonder.

It’s sad to say but the answer I know.
It seems kind of clear from the way things go.
Others are healthy, happy, beautiful, and rich,
But with others like me there must be a glitch.

Try as I may to study and work really hard,
With all of my efforts I never get far.
I may work all day, but still I am broke
The money I earn just goes up in smoke.

Though I try to clean, my life’s such a mess
I may shoot for the target, but I always miss.
How is it others seem to do so great,
God must love them, but me he must hate.

God is bias for some, but not so for others
All of us sin, but he forgives some more than others.
Consider the sins of David and Saul
Which one of them did the most wrong?

Saul may not have followed the instructions he was sent
But David was much farther from innocent.
He slept with a woman not his to have
And ordered the murder of a faithful soldier he had.

Both were sorry but only one was forgiven.
Saul was rejected and from God he was driven.
Anninias and Saphira were wrong when they lied,
But it seems it doesn’t seem fair that they had to die.

Judas was sorry for what he had done,
Jesus prayed for Peter, but not for this one.
Why was Judas destined for failure?
Was everyone else really that much greater?

What makes God decide, I simply can’t see
He may love others, but he must hate me.

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About Ken Sayers

I'm currently employed by a children's home where my wife and I care for a cottage of girls who have been displaced from their families. I'm a middle age man with two grown children of my own and one grandchild. I have worked as a United States Marine, a youth minister, a preacher, a childcare worker, and a truck driver. My hobbies include photography, horses, playing guitar, writing, and fitness.
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